No don’t laugh, I’m being serious.  This is a very serious article about huffing poop gas.

If you don’t already know about it, I’ll save you the trip to Google.  Jenkem (or “Butt-Hash,” as it is allegedly called on the streets) is a rumored hallucinogenic comprised of the gasses from fermented human waste.  Don’t go back and re-read that, you read it right.  Shit gas… Getting high... Off shit gas.  My journalistic credibility be damned, The People need a voice of reason on this matter!

In the last two years, you may have heard about this disturbing intoxicant from your local fear-mongering news source.  Assuming Jenkem is real, it has been around a lot longer, but it wasn’t until recently that an over-protective, upper-middle class housewife heard about it from a child and informed the local authorities.  The local PD also alerted the DEA to the phenomena—that’s right, the DEA is aware of the butt-hash.  The quote at the top is from a young lad who helped spark the momentary hysteria with a set of  photos of a half inflated yellow balloon attached to a plastic bottle.  The bottle of course was filled with what very well could have been human waste.  The pictures became a crucial piece of evidence in an Anti-Jenkem campaign that never went public. 

Right now, I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “Does this really work?  Do people really do this?”. The answer is a solid "sort-of" and "maybe," respectively.  The advocates of “getting jenked” will tell you that a good Jenkem high can produce psychedelic visuals similar to mushrooms or LSD.  The trip supposedly can last from hours to days.  They will also lead you to believe that there is a massive underground community that partakes in "jenking."  Some backwater Internet image board forums have devoted sections to the discussion of Jenkem experiences and Jenkem production.

Before I go further, I want you to ask yourself something: if a news story came on TV, broadcasting the dangers of Jenkem, would you believe it?  Would you believe some people will stoop as low as inhaling fumes from fecal matter in order to cop a cheap high?  Not only that, but would you believe it’s the new trend among teenagers beginning to sweep the nation?

If you did, there may be something wrong with you.

The truth is, while it has apparently been reported that Jenkem is used by the youth in a couple third-world countries (I read somewhere a kid was quoted as saying “It keeps us warm, and makes us fearless.“), and yes, if you bottle poop gas for the purpose of huffing, you will get high, in a way.  Doing this produces methane, and a lungful of methane is going to disconnect the brain from the body (and reality altogether) for an hour or so.  But don’t expect to climb the mountain of knowledge to speak with the Lizard King because of it; that sort of rush isn’t going to be a euphoric trip, it’s going to feel like you are huffing shit fumes.

All the insane propaganda about the skyrocketing use of Jenkem can be attributed to the Anonymity of the internet.  The joke was realized by a few people who saw fit to spread stories about its use in order to "rattle the fences of suburbia," as it were.  The gag caught on and now it is one of the largest-running gags on the internet, the punch line being the occasional poor soul naïve enough to actually end up with a chest full of poop gas.  The joke won’t end anytime soon either—getting a rise out of people never loses its appeal.  And no one is willing to try it and document the attempt.  The mantra “Pics or it didn’t happen” is practically law in this part of the Anonymous world.  This argument is essentially what is keeping the disinformation alive, and no half-respectable scientist is going to find funding for an experiment to prove the "Jenk-Heads" wrong.

So yes: Jenkem is real, but to a point. If you happen to be a parent, don’t worry, you won’t be finding any jenk bottles in Jonny’s closet (though if you do, you should call child protective services right away because you have failed miserably at parenting.).  I’m telling you this bizarre tale so in the event the Moral Panic around Jenkem spirals out of control, you have the honest truth from someone on the other side of the spectrum.  I partake in the use of certain substances—hell, I even advocate the use of some—and I can honestly tell you that no, the kids aren’t spending their weekends getting jenked out of their skulls.  When high-school kids were asked about it, almost all had to have Jenkem explained to them.  And they were all shocked when it was explained, restoring a bit of my faith in the common sense of kids today.  Besides, whipped cream can have the same effect.  It isn’t free like jenking is, but on the upshot... It’s not shit.

       

Written by :

James Pattani